logictortured.com Blog

Copyright Explained in Three Panels

July 21, 2011 on 3:26 pm | In Copyright | No Comments

I think this comic is actually about the TSA. But it certainly pertains to the copyright industry.

They argue that we need artificial walls i.e., government granted monopoly rents, for them to collect (under penalty of criminal punishment if we bypass those walls). When we ask why we need that system… they’ll argue that their anti-freemarket and anti-competitive system provides jobs.

Stupid Chick and the Contradictions

July 20, 2011 on 8:38 pm | In Fun with Craigslist | 1 Comment

Some stupid chick is using the Craiglist’s forums to find members for a “mellow and low key kind of” “all girl surf punk band.” Good luck with that.

Featuring the best features ever featured!

July 6, 2011 on 2:23 pm | In General, Humor | No Comments

I’ve been looking into buying a new lawn tractor since I broke the frame on my old one for the second time. It was a very low end L-Series Deere designed for mowing pristine lawns, not rough terrain.

So I’m looking at the X500 series from John Deere, specifically, the X530. I can’t help but laugh at the “Features” is has:

Versatility and premium features for great performance with larger equipment

Don’t tell me it’s versatile, explain to me how it’s versatile. And are you seriously telling me one of its “features” is its “premium features”?!

Modern styling is eye-appealing and functional

You’re telling me what I can see in the picture?!

Engine is smooth-running and reliable V-twin air-cooled design

Well, I’m glad it’s one of those newfangled “smooth-running” motors. Now that’s a feature I’m looking for.

Fuel tank has a large, 4.5-gallon capacity

A “large” 4.5 gallon tank, as opposed to a small 4.5 gallon tank? It reminds me of a great t-shirt slogan: “2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.”

Hydrostatic transaxle has traction assist

Well, I did learn something from this. I figured out the difference between a transmission and a transaxle is that a transaxle is a transmission combined with a rear differential.

Twin Touch™ foot control is easy to use and has cruise control

Finally, something useful. Cruise control. I never would have guessed that a riding lawn mower would have cruise control. I usually just drive full blast and let God sort it out. Now I can slow down in case there’s a cop around. (The X530 does go over 7 mph!)

Power steering gives easy turns

Power steering is nice. However, telling me that power steering “gives easy turns” seems like you’re talking down to me. I’m not an idiot. I know what power steering is supposed to do.

Front axle and wheel spindles are heavy duty

I’d certainly hope so.

Frame is formed from heavy-duty steel and welded for reliability

Welded, you say? Gorilla tape wasn’t good enough, Mr Fancypants?!

CargO Mount™ system is heavy duty for easy installation of a variety of equipment

Yippie, more toys to buy!

Two headlights give excellent visibility

Two headlights? Fancy!

Operator station is comfortable and convenient

Wow, these guys think of everything. And to think for all these years I’ve been using an uncomfortable and inconvenient operator station, like a sucker!

Controls are easy to find and convenient to use

Didn’t you guys just tell me that? And more importantly, shouldn’t that be obvious?

Exact Adjust ports and on-board deck-leveling gauge make precise deck adjustments easy

Does anyone make a lawn tractor that does not include deck leveling? Isn’t that sort of like advertising adjustable seats in a car or truck?

Reverse implement option (RIO) allows mowing while backing up if deemed necessary

This one is my favorite. They take away the ability to mow in reverse, then give it back to us after we perform some complicated maneuver in the easy to find and convenient control panel.

Electric power take-off (PTO) clutch is easy and convenient to use

Once again, why would it be otherwise?!

54-in. Edge™ Xtra deck cuts clean and has rotatable wheels for easy installation

Rotatable wheels. Now that’s what I’m talking about!