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So simple, even an idiot can explain it

I have a peavey rockmaster guitar and amp for sale. Works great, all you need is a cord to hook guitar to amp.

Oh… I have to plug a cord into my guitar and into my amp. That’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years.

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(Alleged) Dumb Criminal of the Week

According to news reports a woman by the name of Paula R. Ferdkoff was being harrassed by a mother of a 14 year old girl. Because of the harassment, Miss Ferdkoff called the police.

Bad idea.

You see, the reason the mother was calling and harassing Miss Ferdkoff was because Miss Ferdkoff (allegedly) used the 14 year old daughter to produce child porn.

The police spoke to the mother, found out what happened, and then arrested Miss Ferdkoff on child pornography charges.

Sometimes (alleged) criminals make it so darned easy for the police.

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Liquid Pizza

Pennsylvania has a statute which reads:

Whoever intentionally throws, shoots, drops or causes to be propelled any solid object, from an overpass or any other location adjacent to or on a roadway, onto or toward said roadway shall be guilty of a misdemeanor of the second degree.

So a guy threw a piece of pizza at a car hitting it in the windshield. His attorney argued that a piece of pizza didn’t meet the statute. That really annoyed the judge. Here’s his ruling in relevant and hilarious part:

Matter normally exists as a solid, a liquid, or a gas. In the solid phase, the molecules are closely bound to one another by molecular forces, A solid holds its shape, and the volume of a solid is fixed by the shape of the solid. In the liquid phase, the molecular forces are weaker than in a solid. A liquid will take the shape of its container with a free surface in a gravitational field. In the gas phase, the molecular forces are very weak, a gas fills its container, taking both the shape and the volume of the container. NASA, Phases of Matter, Glenn Research Center (September 9, 2010).

Using personal funds, I bought some pizza in order to test its physical properties. The first thing I noticed is that it came in a box (a.k.a. container). It was resting in the bottom of the container, held in place by gravity, and did not take up the shape or full volume of the container. I therefore concluded it was not a gas. My next experiment was to attempt to slice the pizza into six pieces because I was not hungry enough to eat eight pieces. I observed that the slicing process actually produced six separate and distinct pieces which did not re-form to take on the shape of the bottom of the container. I therefore concluded it was not a liquid. My next experiment was to attempt to pick up one of the slices and eat it. I observed that the slice of pizza retained its basic shape, although it did droop a bit at the end. Further, I was able to bite off one piece which required some chewing before I could swallow it. I put the remainder on top of a paper towel and observed that it stayed in place, did not spill onto my desk, and held its shape (less one bite). I therefore concluded that it was a solid.

The judge was so annoyed at the attorney’s argument that he also suggested imposing sanctions at a later date. Let’s hope he follows through with that suggestion.

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Geek Defined

A non-geek uses technology to better or improve his life.

A geek modifies technology to better or improve his life.

A non-geek modifies his life to fit around technology.

A geek modifies technology to fit around his life.

A non-geek asks, “What does this do?”

A geek wonders, “What can I make this do?”

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Missed Point of the Week…

CNN – February 9, 2011:

The U.S. Justice Department is reviewing a request from 13 states on how to acquire an execution drug no longer made in the United States and whether the federal government would share its supplies, a federal spokeswoman said Wednesday.

Additional controversy surfaced last week about the drug’s shortage when six death row inmates filed a federal lawsuit seeking to prevent the Food and Drug Administration from importing the drug, saying the imports may be unsafe.

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Michigan Court of Appeals Determines: If you complain to the gov., you’ve committed trespass

We have a lawsuit where the plaintiffs’ have a city drain on a portion of their property. The neighbors complained to the city that because water was accumulating on their property, additional drains were needed to divert the water into the plaintiffs’ drain.

The plaintiffs were not happy with the extra water being diverted to their property so they sued the city and the neighbors (in part) for trespass. The judge I work for dismissed the neighbors from the case because they never actually entered on the plaintiff’s property. All they did was complain to the city which took the action to install the drains.

The Court of Appeals recently reversed my judge’s ruling. The Court of Appeals determined that because they “specifically requested drainage relief” from the city, they committed trespass.

The circuit court observed that the Heckmans and Mahlers had not constructed the drain themselves and had not personally set foot on the Wiggins parcel. Instead, the circuit court noted, the Heckmans and Mahlers simply requested drainage relief from the City. The court ruled that “merely requesting relief from a city is not sufficient to rise to the level of trespass,” and therefore granted summary disposition in favor of the Heckmans and Mahlers with respect to the trespass claim. We conclude that this ruling was in error. The Heckmans’ and Mahlers’ request for drainage relief from the City, and subsequent authorization of the City or its agents to construct the drain in question, were sufficient acts to give rise to trespass liability.

It is beyond factual dispute that the Heckmans and Mahlers specifically requested drainage relief from the City and either authorized or subsequently ratified the installation of the drain and drainpipe by the City or its agents. This conduct by the Heckmans and Mahlers was sufficient to constitute the intentional tort of trespass.

The main issue underlying the case was whether the additional drainage was allowed under the existing drain easement between the city and the plaintiffs. Are neighbors with flooded yards supposed to know the intricacies of drainage easements before they complain? Apparently so.

As far as I’m concerned, we should have a right to voice our concerns to our government. As far as the Court of Appeals is concerned, if we complain, we’re liable for tort damages caused by the government. Troubling indeed.

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Pets should be treated like family members

I was reading an advice column recently. A parent of a newborn baby was afraid to bring her new daughter to her father-in-law’s house. He keeps a dog at his house which acts quite aggressively.

Sometimes I’ll hear about people who force their pets on friends and family, bringing their dogs to other people’s homes while they visit. Those dogs will urinate, defecate, bite people, and destroy furniture.

One common belief these pet owners have is that their pets are a part of their family and should be treated that way.

I completely agree. If a member of your family, who appears uninvited to a friends’ home, urinates and defecates on the floor, destroys furniture, and bites people, that family member should be locked up.

If you have a family member who bites people who come to visit, that family member should be locked up.

If you have a family member who humps the legs of visitors. That family member should be locked up.

The mistake pet owners make is to assume we allow human family members to commit criminal acts. We don’t. We lock them up. They should do the same with their family pets.

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